new moon prayer of a deadbeat


Photo by Steven Su on Unsplash

new moon prayer of a deadbeat

you were acting unruly
willfully testing boundaries
as I patiently corrected
your older sister mocked you
and so I scolded her too
gently, sans needless cruelty
not as I had been brought up
but as I have learned to nurture
cause “know better, do better”
you and your big sis smile warmly
thanking me for caring enough-

I awake to dark cold silence
reality is your absence
your step-sis is a stranger
I’m a faded family picture
ignorant to your hopes and dreams
I’m bone-cold in black spaces
that will never know warmth again
but I deserve this mild penance
for failing to fight for you
I pray that moonlight blesses you
bloom from the many moons I missed

4 thoughts on “new moon prayer of a deadbeat

  1. I read this and had to stop myself from crying thinking of the tattered bond that my Father and I have now have.

    This is a great piece of work, Barry. Great… heartwrenching.


    • I’m heartily sorry to hear about the state of you and your father’s bond. Life is too short for us not to offer an abundance of kindness, support, and love.

      This came to me in a dream just as I thought I was turning a corner on my depression. I guess some wounds don’t mend even when scarred over by time. It may sound like self-pity, but I feel like I deserve far worse than this ache in my chest that randomly appears.

      Sorry for being a downer this morning. Thanks for reading.

      Liked by 1 person

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