Image source: Google
The Trouble with Bonding
My fractures run deep
with jagged curves back in time
misaligned by variances between
what was and what should’ve been.
I pretended
to be whole
again and again,
blending my façade
with her charade,
becoming a beautiful lie
that died
the moment we tried
rocky weather together
whenever and wherever
our rhyme got sloppy and
disjointed.
We pointed out each other’s flaws
and clawed ourselves apart. My heart
mistook love for a pleasure found
oozing pillow-talk
into the next girl’s
midnight bedsheets;
repeatedly pressed this error
into her replacement’s bed too,
but she fled my good intentions
just as I was finding leverage
to press solid meaning into her…
into her…
Are these mildly lewd sex metaphors
doing anything for you? Because
I could probably say plainly that
I had mostly good sex
with mostly good women
for mostly bad reasons
not for love, pleasure,
not even for affection
mostly, a self-deception
as I mostly engaged in the self-delusion
that I loved them
or that I loved myself, when
I was clearly too broken to do either,
but I suppose it’s better that I couch it
in some wrecked flower and
tangled bedsheet nonsense.
I’m wrecking the rhythm of this poem.
I apologize. Now, where was I?
Into her wake,
serene surface broken
by her rippling,
departing waves
I wandered,
my fractures,
deep with jagged
curves back in time
misaligned
by variances between
what was her own brokenness and
what should’ve been
her pristine perfection that
should’ve saved us both
but didn’t.
Looking back, I know now that her imperfections
were perfectly wondrous and uniquely lovely.
But it took another woman with her own unique
deep, jagged, fractures curving into my own
that helped me appreciate my own failings
from wondrous newly tacked angles.
This poem is uneven
and not as pretty
as I had hoped it would be.
But it is pure gold
where it needs to be.
***
Written for Poets United Midweek Motif ~ Kintsugi: Art of Mending, Posted by Sumana Roy.
Hephaestus’ Waste & Cosmic Rubble 
I so wanted to like this poem, this confession of flaws in relationships and himself but nothing came good, no lessons were learned, and I thought how selfish the narrator possibly was as he was thinking too much of himself all the time and not giving enough to make any relationship work. Poetically it read well and the title was honest!
LikeLike
Not your golden cup of tea, eh? No worries. I appreciate the feedback!
LikeLike
What a forceful flow of words beyond prettiness and evenness! Most striking! To be true to one’s feeling is gold. A wonderful take on the prompt.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for the wonderful compliment. This was a fun prompt!
LikeLike
A well written poem Powerful but very sad as if the cracks have been appreciated with gold but hopefully will be filled be filled with gold in the future.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you kiwi!
LikeLike
Ah, the search for perfection, the rejection, the plug-in substitutes, the aha! that perhaps the imperfection lies within. I loved this honest mind-ride of your search, and the ending is dynamite — a poem (like love) “… pure gold where it needs to be,” Well done!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for the compliments! I’m glad the voice of this poem resonates with you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
The gold is in the honesty of this poem. Honesty is probably the greatest gift you can give to another. However that requires knowing yourself and you seem to be a lot further down that track than most
In the words of the world’s greatest psychologist Bill (not Bill Withers:)
” To thine own self be true and it must follow the night and the day thou canst ne’re be false to any man”
Great insights about relationships….great poem.
Oh and incidentally I think you do ‘mildly lewd’ very well:)
LikeLiked by 1 person
You can NEVER go wrong with Bill (Withers or the Shake Man)! Thank you for the insightful comment, Ralls 😉 I try to be honest in my writing as much as possible.
LikeLike
“I pretended
to be whole
again and again,
blending my façade
with her charade”
WOW! Perfect link of performance poetry and music! Some of us remain silent on this subject, but secretly know it in our own experience. The gold mending comes in mutual respect, doesn’t it? I’d love to hear/see you bring this poem to life. Have you considered VIDEO recording?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you Susan. And I agree, mutual respect and self respect are key elements to mending.
I have considered audio recording, though I hate how my voice sounds. I may give it a whirl sometime. 🙂
LikeLike
Oh wow, I have rarely read a more honest self-appraisal. I applaud you. I am glad that finally a woman came along who looked from a different angle, and saw the gold. I LOVE the closing lines. And that image is really beautiful. Nice to meet you at Poets United. Shine on!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you Sherry. Nice to meet you too. Happy to be here.
LikeLike
your poem grabbed me and dragged me by the hair right to the end, then kissed me – love the ending!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh my. I can see we’re going to get along famously! 😉
Thank you for the wonderful compliment!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Loved the facade and charade lines. And I thought departing from the rhythm was really effective.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Sue.
LikeLike
It is definitely pure gold where it needs to be. It also boasts diamonds, emeralds and rubies. I love it, Barry.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you! 🙂
LikeLike
I am glad that you found the “right” woman Barry ~ Imperfections are all part and parcel of a person’s allure, I say ~ Thanks for joining us at OLN ~
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Grace. 🙂
LikeLike
I liked these lines: “blending my façade
with her charade” We are all broken in various ways.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Indeed we are, Frank. Thanks for reading. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is such a sad poem but at least at last, he met a woman that found some gold in him. We are all broken but sometimes we get mended.
LikeLiked by 1 person
And sometimes we can still see the cracks and fissures. Thank you for listening. 🙂
LikeLike
Yes we can, especially when those cracks are mended using love.
LikeLike
It is pure gold, where it needs to be…. indeed! Lots of self-awareness in this poem. I enjoyed the journey!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for stopping by. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person