
Photo by Tianshu Liu on Unsplash
I Carved a Wish and Let it Rot
I carved a wish and let it rot
Do not make us a trite cliché
We wandered lives we both forgot
In overripe, fragrant decay
Do not make us a trite cliché
Your focus shifts, discarding me
In overripe, fragrant decay
Your hold on me, an empty plea
Your focus shifts, discarding me
I know that look, lived in its gaze
Your hold on me, an empty plea
Our history, beautiful haze
I know that look, lived in its gaze
We wandered lives we both forgot
Our history, beautiful haze
I carved a wish and let it rot
We wandered lives we both forgot
You flirt with him, turning the page
I carved a wish and let it rot
A labored pace, our passing age
You flirt with him, turning the page
In your heart, I am long replaced
A labored pace, our passing age
A sketched-out dream blotted; erased
In your heart, I am long replaced
It seems your wish has withered too
A sketched-out dream blotted; erased
Yet I still smile at dreams of you
It seems your wish has withered too
I carved a wish and let it rot
Yet I still smile at dreams of you
We wandered lives we both forgot
I carved a wish and let it rot
As all things end in their own time
We wandered lives we both forgot
Melodic memory sublime
As all things end in their own time
I wish you love and a full plate
Melodic memory sublime
We conjugate, entwined by fate
I wish you love and a full plate
As we are not a trite cliché
We conjugate, entwined by fate
In overripe, fragrant decay
We wandered lives we both forgot
I carved a wish. And let it rot.
***
Written for dVerse Poetry Forms – The Pantoum, hosted by Gina. Other poets’ contributions to this prompt can be found here. I probably veered slightly from the authentic structure of a pantoum, but I knew from the moment I read about this form that I wanted to tinker with it.
My thoughts on the origin of this poem: Nothing major. Wifey and I were discussing how our previous marriages and romantic relationships ended and how we often have moments of clarity when a relationship has tragically run its course prior to either party officially announcing the ending.
This part of a relationship is rarely a positive experience, as rarely do both parties come to the same conclusion at the same time. Someone always wants to hang on a bit longer, and that makes things rather messy.
This poem is a fictional account of an idealized version of one of these endings where both parties maintain a semblance of dignity and equanimity at journey’s end. I like to think that the couple in the poem remained good friends even after their romantic journey ended.
Feel free to offer constructive feedback if you feel moved to do so. Or not. No pressure, either way.
WOW! This is quite wonderful. Full of beauty, longing, and honesty. And the scale of the piece is bold. You crafted it successfully… well done Barry!
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“…but I knew from the moment I read about this form that I wanted to tinker with it.” Barry, that is the understatement of the year. It’s a beautiful weaving ❤
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I carved a wish and let it rot
As all things end in their own time
We wandered lives we both forgot
Melodic memory sublime
this stanza is the heart of the pantoum, i admire how you tinkered with it, uou couplet is priceless, a very classic pantoum to me
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I can see you like writing in this form. Your poem deals with endings..always painful. Amicable partings are the best where both parties remain’ friends’ and wish each other the best and never see, hear from, or speak to each other again:) Good friends are hard to find and romance always has an expiry date it seems..( for some of us anyway) Best keep true friends as friends forever.
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Oops I forgot to say how much I enjoyed this poem. I like your thought provoking poems on real life pertinent issues.
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Your poem conveyed very well that moment when parties confront the end of a relationship. I was drawn to the pathos that each word painted. Your poem played like a scene from a movie.
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Such a beautiful retelling of a relationship journey. I love the rhyming verses, the pattern and the final couplet. So well done Barry.
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The way the emotions repeat, overlap and merge are indeed a good reflection of relationships. (K)
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